Her name was Tia…

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And she left us living about 2 hours ago.  😦

 

I knew last night… at her 10pm feed, I realised she would leave.  And it made it even worse, as this afternoon, for the first time, I felt real hope.

This afternoon she did pushy paws!  She went on her mothers boob, and for a few minutes, she was in heaven right here.  I remember thinking afterwards, having seen her so happy, suckling from her mother like the others, purring, and pushing her tiny little paws up and down… that even if she was to leave soon, maybe it was all worth it just for those few minutes of bliss.

 

I hope it was worth it.  I truly do.  She had less than a week.  Less than a week, and a moment of bliss.

 

Pie’s been great.  When I realised she was fading last night, I simply started howling.  Sitting there with tiny little Tia in my hand, knowing that it suddenly wouldn’t matter how hard I try, she wasn’t gonna stay.  And my Monkey-Pie came and snuggled me, rubbing my tears away with her face.

 

And still I hoped.  Even though I knew Tia was now going with the flow, instead of fighting the tide.  I’m crying, but I already did my grieving in those hours between 10pm and 4am.

 

She had her last feed at 2am… both me and her knew it was the last supper, so kept it short, and instead, I laid down on the bed, with little Tia on top of my chest, snuggled up warm under my PJs, and cupping my hand around her.

Around 3am she started purring, and doing pushypaws against my fingertips.  Then we just laid there, me softly weeping, and her drifting further and further away.

 

The pic above was taken two days ago (the brown “cord” is just umbilical cord, that was still stuck on one of the babies).  You can see how incredibly tiny she was compared to the others.  Yes, the beautiful, but oh so tiny girl to the left in the image was born on the same day as the rest of them.

 

Sweet dreams, Tia.  I know it’s not much – but you were loved.  May you grow big and strong where you are now.

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15 thoughts on “Her name was Tia…

    • Thank you. 🙂

      I’ll be ok in a few days… Tia went in peace, she really did. Snuggled on top of me, doing her little pushypaws on my fingertips. But at the moment it hurts like a real bastard.

      Just took delivery of the Panacur paste I’d ordered for them, and broke down in tears as I was handed the parcel. Panacur… something that I normally wouldn’t think of twice, but with Tia being so very little, I was worried about worming her at 2 weeks, and had plans on talking to the vet whether I should should wait with her, if she made it, until she was the size her siblings would be at 2 weeks.

      I do see why it’s called “fading kitten”… it was like a light was being dimmed down. 😦

    • Thank you… I am completely heartbroken. 😦

      I knew chances were it wasn’t to be (she really was so incredibly tiny)… but I kept hoping. And of course with her needing so much attention, she stole my heart. 🙂 A theft I happily agreed to. 🙂

      I felt bad for her (massive!) siblings… they still haven’t even been named (sexing tomorrow… but think there’s 3 boys and one girl… and thinking Theodore/Ted, Thomas/Tom, Timothy/Tim and Tamara/Tam… and named after little Tia). Tia however needed a name… and she needed my care. If she wasn’t to stay, I couldn’t bare the thought of her being “the kitten”. She was Tia, sweet as can be, and very much loved.

      The other four are thriving. To be honest, they’re big strong puddings. I think the father might have been a mix between The Hulk and The Michelin Man. 🙂 One of them has already (day 9) opened BOTH eyes completely! Normally it’s a process over a few days, with little slits first, and then maybe one of the eyes, but he went from closed eyes last night, to both wide open this morning.

      • I’m happy to hear that the other guys (and girl) are all doing well and growing like weeds 🙂 I love those names as well – very good kitty names (and there is an art to naming a cat). Can’t wait to see how they grow!
        Looking at that picture, it is pretty remarkable how much larger the others are in comparison to little Tia. The little babies are the ones that always steal your heart. Both of my (now sizable) monsters were the runts of their litters. There’s something about seeing them succeed and thrive that gives you hope for all of their kind. And makes it that much more disappointing when they don’t make it. I’m glad Tia had her happy moments, and that there’s someone to remember she was, even if only for a bit.

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