Her name was Tia…

DSC_0032b

And she left us living about 2 hours ago.  😦

 

I knew last night… at her 10pm feed, I realised she would leave.  And it made it even worse, as this afternoon, for the first time, I felt real hope.

This afternoon she did pushy paws!  She went on her mothers boob, and for a few minutes, she was in heaven right here.  I remember thinking afterwards, having seen her so happy, suckling from her mother like the others, purring, and pushing her tiny little paws up and down… that even if she was to leave soon, maybe it was all worth it just for those few minutes of bliss.

 

I hope it was worth it.  I truly do.  She had less than a week.  Less than a week, and a moment of bliss.

 

Pie’s been great.  When I realised she was fading last night, I simply started howling.  Sitting there with tiny little Tia in my hand, knowing that it suddenly wouldn’t matter how hard I try, she wasn’t gonna stay.  And my Monkey-Pie came and snuggled me, rubbing my tears away with her face.

 

And still I hoped.  Even though I knew Tia was now going with the flow, instead of fighting the tide.  I’m crying, but I already did my grieving in those hours between 10pm and 4am.

 

She had her last feed at 2am… both me and her knew it was the last supper, so kept it short, and instead, I laid down on the bed, with little Tia on top of my chest, snuggled up warm under my PJs, and cupping my hand around her.

Around 3am she started purring, and doing pushypaws against my fingertips.  Then we just laid there, me softly weeping, and her drifting further and further away.

 

The pic above was taken two days ago (the brown “cord” is just umbilical cord, that was still stuck on one of the babies).  You can see how incredibly tiny she was compared to the others.  Yes, the beautiful, but oh so tiny girl to the left in the image was born on the same day as the rest of them.

 

Sweet dreams, Tia.  I know it’s not much – but you were loved.  May you grow big and strong where you are now.