It’s all good!

Well – with my tomcat taking the biggest, sloppiest, stinkiest dump the world’s ever seen – the boy’s back to normal.  I don’t think the house will ever completely get rid of the smell.  Hmmmm… wonder if I can mask it with something – a barrel full of chemical waste possibly – so I can sell the house and buy one without the lingering aroma of catshit.  Hmmmm.

Second good news – this morning I did not wake up with a bloody splinter sticking out of my heel as I did yesterday.  😀  (what the heck did I get up to in my sleep?)

Thirdly, I can move again without being in agony with the help of painkillers.  😀

And last but not least… *drumroll*  Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  I got a working microwave.  Yes, as in actually working, not just sitting there like a giant beast, mocking me on the kitchen counter.  Ok, so it’s not the best microwave in the world.  Truth to be told it’s a little shit.  Truth to be told, compared to my old one when it was working, it’s very shitty indeed.  It’s about a third of the weight, and a third of the size (is this what a normal microwave is like?), but it cost less than a tenth of what my old one did.  It looks tiny.  Lost in the corner on the counter where the big beast used to sit.

It works.  This makes it a million times better than my old microwave.  And, I got the one I wanted.  Not one with a billion buttons that looks like it could fly into space.  I got one with two knobs on.  My goldfish could figure out how to use it.  I love it.  I love that it works and I love that the first thing I did was to throw out the manual (what’s the point!).


What my new working microwave looks like.  Picture nabbed online for “educational purposes”.

I miss my microwave

Well – the title above is a whole load of bullocks, as I how can I possibly miss my microwave?  The huge beast is still sitting on the kitchen counter.

The microwave is just an object, and currently it does nothing for me apart from envoking irritation that it’s still there, big as a house, and doing fuck all.

I miss what I could do with it.  As by magic I could have a heated meal in 25 seconds.  Instead I’ve just re-heated lasagna in a pan.  Yes, in a saucepan.  As it was just a wee snack for me at 4am in the morning, I looked at it as pointless to reheat it in the oven.  The result was fairly dry lasagna, but nowhere near as dry as it would have been in the oven.  It took me 5 minutes.  5 minutes is nothing, but at 4am when you want lasagna NOW – it feels like forever.  And the blasted mircowave was sitting on the counter mocking me.

It zonked out about a month ago.  If I’d been well we would by now have had a new one, but as I’ve been mainly confined to hobbling around the house, we’ve only been out looking for a new one once… and when it comes to something that will be on display in the kitchen for (hopefully!) years to come, once is not enough.

The first week we tried to fix it.  Apperantly there’s fuses inside the microwave.  Apperantly they kept blowing each time we changed one.  Apperantly there’s a massive problem in there somewhere, and no matter how many new fuses we stick in there’s no way the bugger will work.

So, onto plan B – new microwave.

The problem is – I want a simple microwave where I can learn to use it’s functions within a day.  I never learnt how to use the beast mocking me.  I learnt one setting.  ONE.  How to set it to 900, and how to set how many seconds for.  That’s all I learnt…  in 8 years!  That said, it was an excellent working microwave.  But any microwave that worked would have been excellent in my eyes.

The other half wants something more sophisticated than a spaceship.  He wants something that has a billion different settings, with a million buttons, preferably with flashing lights, joysticks and various useless controls that we will never learn to use.

Until we manage to find something in the middle – I’m stuck with missing the convenience of nuking food.


Not purposely written for the Weekly Writing Challenge, as such, as I was gonna bitch about the mocking beast anyway, but found it quite fitting.


Images not mine, used from Google with “educational purposes” in mind.  Lesson to be learnt – any working microwave is a brilliant microwave.  All others are a piece of crap.