So fed up

So fed up feeling like shite that is…  honestly I really thought I was starting to feel a wee bit better, but clearly that was just the eye of the storm, and now as the cold is dissappearing, everything has turned on full force again.

Coughing is back to the same extent as it it was, which means the blooming pulled muscle is complete agony again.

Yesterday I ventured out of the house for the first time in a week (if you’re thinking “the woman got dogs – the poor creatures!” – don’t.  I’m only half of a couple, and the other half is perfectly capable of taking the dogs out for a good run)… to get different painkillers.  Clearly neither the naproxen nor the paracetamol has done the trick…

Getting in and out of a car… now that was fun.  Not.  Took several minutes to do both.  Something so small that I never even think about, was suddenly a massive task.  Walking wasn’t too bad, as long as I took it very slow, and avoided crashing into someone or something.

Car-ride was also awful, as I simply couldn’t find a comfortable positition where my chest didn’t hurt.

Other half found it funny.  🙂  Oh he’s not laughing of my misery, simply recognising how he was 2 years ago when he fell on the stairs and hurt his kidney.  We both know my agony is temporarily, and as soon as the coughing stops, my chest muscle can heal all by itself.

Sadly until then I am completely useless.  I hate it.  I hate not being able to take the dogs for a run in the fields.  I hate being dozed up on painkillers and not daring to do any paperwork incase I mess up due to a fucked up brain.  I hate not being able to whizz the hover around the house.  I got so many thigs to do – so many!  And they’re just heaping up as I’m frightened of being in pain, frightened of fucking things up…  and I hate being in this situation.

I am also very grateful.  I am grateful this is just temporary.  I am so incredibly grateful I know this will pass.  And I guess I should look at it as a bonus that this pain is so intense it makes me forget all the other aches and pains in my body.  😀


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